She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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