just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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