Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
