i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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