mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
