I faked an abortion last night.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
