I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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