she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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