Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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