Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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