Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
