Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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