Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
