True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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