So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize