she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
