So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
