Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
