we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you told grandpa to call you daddy
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
