tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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