im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
