SEEEEXXX PLEASE
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
