I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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