There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
