He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Randomize