Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize