Only a mothe r could love this liver
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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