Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
