Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
