Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
