I'm pants shitting drunk right now
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
