i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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