i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize