I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
