If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
