I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
