I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
