And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
