what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
