I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize