soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
