i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
