New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
