i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
