We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
