i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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