im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
