I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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