i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
