Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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