cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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