Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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