i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
