Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
