What did we do last night that was yellow?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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