Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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