apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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