ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
