He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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