I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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