Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
