that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
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