they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
