This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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