hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
