i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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