This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize