Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
