I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize