Where are you?
In a non slutty way
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
