your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
