i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
