weddingsv make me drug and hornr
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
