the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
