If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
