i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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