The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
