do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
