Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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